The Elephant at the Altar

Is having a wedding cringe?

Somewhere in the last year, the internet decided to ask whether having a boyfriend is cringe. Whether wanting a partner, wanting commitment, wanting someone to build a life with—whether all of it is a little embarrassing now. A little too earnest for the room.

I keep waiting for someone to ask the next question. If having a boyfriend is cringe, what about having a wedding?

What about standing in front of everyone you love and promising forever, in an era that isn't sure forever exists?

Let's talk about it.

The elephant

Here it is, plainly: divorce.

Nobody says it out loud at the engagement party. It sits quietly under the toasts, under the "so happy for you," under the seating chart arguments and the dress fittings. Somewhere in the back of a lot of minds is a number. A number that supposedly tells you the odds.

Half of marriages end in divorce. You've heard it. I've heard it. It's been repeated so often it stopped sounding like a statistic and started sounding like a fact of nature.

It isn't.

Retiring the number

The "50%" figure didn't come from counting actual marriages and actual divorces. It came from demographers in the 1970s and 80s watching the divorce rate climb, and projecting that climb forward — assuming it would keep rising the way it had been.

It didn't. Divorce peaked around 1980 and has been declining ever since, and the current rate is now near a fifty-year low. The forecast that the "half of all marriages fail" line was built on simply never came true.

That doesn't mean divorce is rare, or that the risk isn't real. It is. But the number people are quietly carrying into their wedding day is closer to an old, broken prediction than a current fact. Worth knowing, before you let it sit uninvited at your reception.

Two ingredients, one dish

So why is the real number lower than the myth? Not one tidy reason. Two, working together.

First: the couples marrying today are, on average, older, further along, and more established than the couples the "50%" line was measured on. Marrying at thirty with a career and a sense of self underneath you is a different decision than marrying at twenty-two because it was simply “time”.

Second, and this is the part that matters more than it sounds like it should: nobody's making you do this anymore. The pressure that used to push people to the altar—because a certain age had arrived, because you'd been together long enough, because that's just what you did—has largely lifted. Cohabitation is normal. Waiting is normal. Not marrying at all is normal.

And here's the thing about pressure disappearing: the people who still choose marriage are choosing it. Not defaulting into it. Choosing it, on purpose, with their eyes open, after having every opportunity to opt out along the way.

Those two facts aren't separate arguments. They're the same shift, seen from two angles. Marriage stopped being mandatory, and that's exactly why the people walking down the aisle today tend to be more ready for what's on the other side of it.

Eyes open

None of this is a guarantee. I'm not going to stand here and tell you love is safe, because it isn't, and I don't think you'd trust me if I did.

What I'll tell you instead is this: you are not obligated to pretend the risk doesn't exist in order to celebrate fully. You can know the elephant is in the room and still throw the party. In fact, I'd argue that's the only honest way to do it — not naive hope, not performative certainty, just two people who looked at the whole picture and decided to build something anyway.

That's not cringe. That's the least cringe thing a person can do.

So plan the wedding. Wear the dress. Give the toast. You're not walking in blind, and you're not walking in because you had to.

You're walking in because you chose to. Enjoy your wedding.

Keep Exploring

If today's article resonated with you, the Jackrabbit Library is home to a growing collection of thoughtful articles exploring wedding planning, traditions, and the decisions that shape a celebration.

If you're planning your own wedding and would like an experienced sounding board along the way, Jackrabbit Planning Sessions offer practical guidance whenever you need it.

Until next time,

Rita